I am so passionate about using CI in my classroom. I have seen amazing results and I know that I know that I KNOW it is the way to acquire a second language. I want to share my results far and wide. To that end, it would seem that it’s important to share my successes. However, I’m a bit more realistic than that… some days, well, let’s just say……
Life never is. Social media has made “keeping up with the Jones'” a thing of art! Perfection abounds everywhere. We all need a good dose of reality and to realize that practicing our craft and reflecting on our failures are important to continued success. Honestly, teaching is like everything else: good days, bad days, incredible successes, and sometimes, epic failures. To that end, just so you know that not everything is a bed of roses in Señora Jota Jota’s classroom, I’m going to share a few of my failures from just this semester.
There are actually quite a few. Especially for one semester!
1. I had an epic presentation fail. Truly epic. I was presenting at an international conference and had a complete technology failure. I’m not a newbie at presenting, I know that technology isn’t always going to be my friend. But this time, well, let’s just say that I didn’t handle it well. To understand my horror, you need a little background info.
You see, there was a gentleman in the audience who had previously spent three entire days berating my Spanish when I presented last year in Spain. He was mean. When we first met, he spoke about a billion miles an hour. I did what I always advise my students to do and has always worked for me in the past, without fail, all around the world: I asked him to repeat himself and to please slow down. What ensued were three excruciating days where every time he saw me, he mocked me and addressed me in exaggeratedly slow and extremely loud Spanish. I was very embarrassed and it caused my affective filter to be raised the entire three days.
So, I was nervous heading to the presentation because I knew he would be there. Then the technology fail. In an attempt to help, the professor I was presenting with turned to me and told me to just explain it. Just tell them what my movie, that I had worked weeks on, was about. Simple right? I mean, I’m a Spanish teacher after all. Surely I could explain my presentation – even if it was in simple, broken Spanish. But you know what? In that moment, I had nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nada.
Not one single word would come out.
My tongue was lead and felt three feet thick. With crocodile tears in my eyes, I got up and quickly walked to the bathroom… I locked myself in a stall and cried and cried and cried. I was so embarrassed by my reaction and by the fact that I was only capable of crying. I knew what I would tell ANYONE else – don’t let it defeat me. I knew I HAD to go back out there, but at that moment, I was literally glued to that stall. Worse yet, everyone knew it. Even the mean guy.
Epic fail.
2. The following day I took my level 4’s to the same conference to speak with a dramaturg (we have a very strong theatre program and I knew he would have some good advice for them) and to watch a play. The day was beautiful; the students were upbeat, engaged, and having fun. We attended the dramaturg’s session and ate lunch. Then we went to the play.
And this is where failure #2 occurred. I was told (in writing, no less) that this play was PG and would be OK for me to take my students to see. Have I mentioned that I teach in the “Bible Belt” and that my community is very religious and conservative?
Guess what? That play was not rated PG but, rather, rated R! It was a one-act, one actress show. If I had been there by myself or with my family, I would have really loved it. However, that was not the case and the actress, in the flash of an eye, disrobed.
Completely. Nude.
Failure #2.
3. This semester, I have also been accused of stealing someone else’s ideas and work. Literally stealing. I am the first to say that I use and adapt other people’s ideas and lessons. I liberally purchase, use, and adapt lessons from Martina Bex, Carrie Toth, Kristy Placido, Christy Lade, Kara Kane Jacobs, Sharon Birch, and others. Any time I adapt a lesson, I always put on the paper I use in class (or in my blog) from whom the idea originally came. This accusation came as a complete shock to me because 1.), it came from someone I thought was a friend and 2.) I was accused of stealing ideas from someone I met 6 years ago at a conference and spoke to for like 20 minutes. To my knowledge, that person doesn’t put anything online and has never shared a single lesson or lesson idea with me. I was completely baffled. And it was said to many people in my area – which is not so big geographically.
4. It seems that I have moved to the bottom of the list of people that other adults in my building want to be around. I have encountered eye rolls and worse this semester. I have been told by multiple students in multiple grades that there is someone in the building who says I am stupid. Literally stupid. And that my classes are stupid and more. I’m not really concerned what this person thinks of me or my classes; they are unimportant in the grand scheme of things. But still, the words sting.
So, why am I sharing all this? To get sympathy? Definitely not. I have given myself plenty of pity parties!!
No, I’m really not looking for sympathy, but rather, I want to share that EVERYONE goes through these kinds of failures and struggles. Every single one of us has challenges that we must get through each and every semester that we teach. It’s not always perfect and it’s definitely not ALWAYS a walk in the park!
The important thing is how you react! Each of these experiences was a hit to my pride and ego. So much so, that I crawled into my little safety zone of a classroom and didn’t come out for a while. I am the kind of person who ruminates on my failures – I chew and chew and chew on them until I have an understanding of what happened and how I can be proactive to ensure they don’t happen again. None of these have to do with CI per se… however, you can sure bet they did affect my teaching and energy levels! I am generally a high energy person and the way that I teach CI reflects that. Being distracted by these issues drained me of the extra energy that I usually pour into my lessons.
So, how DID I react???
I did make it out of the bathroom the night my technology failed. I did go back up and I did get through it. It was not pretty, but I am proud that I went back and faced my fears. I shared with my students the next day and told them that THEY were the reason I went back out there. I had to show them that the important thing sometimes is just facing your fears and finishing what you start.
Naked actress in the play? I immediately called my principal and informed him of the situation. I had a parent email already drafted by the time we arrived back at the school. I got out ahead of that scandal as quickly as I could and I took full responsibility for what transpired.
Accusations of stealing? I just have to trust that anyone who knows me also knows that I would never do something like that. This is one of those situations where people will believe what they want and I can only hope that they want to believe the best of me.
Not being everyone’s favorite person in the building? Well, that’s life, folks! Not everyone is going to love us every minute of the day. Some may never care for us and there isn’t a lot we can do about it. Every single one of us sees things through our own lens of how we think, feel, and believe. That means that everyone has their own experiences that color their viewpoints. I can only change my views, not those of others. So, I will continue to do my best to show love in the face of adversity.
While I sincerely hope that none of you has to face a failed presentation with a bully in the audience, a naked actress, false accusations, and more, it is important to know that you will face adversity and you will get through it. Don’t let it steal your love of teaching. As the song goes, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again!
